Behind every grey cloud, there's a ray of sunshine

I have no idea where I would be if it weren’t for my job. Seriously.

I’ve been in a fucking mood all week and it doesn’t look like it’s lighting up at all. And I’m actually getting quite sick of it. 

Even so, I had a great time at work. Boring assignment for today yes, but I love my co-workers so much that the boring assignment is totally bearable. I was able to get off at 4, I stayed til 7:30 because I really rather be nowhere else- most definitely not my fucking apartment. -__-

I have wayyyy too much time on my fucking hands to think which is never a safe thing. I need a fucking outlet. Tumblr isn’t working. My job can’t be my only savior. I need more and different. 

Oh and self note: don’t ever call your fucking mom when you’re in a bad mood. EVER. ‘Cause that just makes shit worse. 

(rereading over this, I love how I try to be ‘optimistic’ as I bitch and complain, hence the title and the conclusion to this post… I’m a fucking mess)…. -__-

When will moronic and mediocre college professors get it through their pig-skinned skulls that online classes are *not* anywhere remotely close to being a class where “group discussions” will stimulate learning?

Therefore, online classes should not require “group work” for a discussion. All students posting and responding to a discussion is fine, but asking a group to discuss something on their own and then summarize it back to the full class discussion is not fine. 

-_____- fucking idiots.

Is it really Tuesday already? I feel like I just wrote one of these like yesterday.

The days seem to fly by and then again, they don’t go fast enough.

I’m scared shitless that I am continuously wasting time but then I get inside my head and convince myself that no my child, you should waste time- nothing’s happening til then so relax. I relax for two seconds and then I’m scared shitless again. It’s a never ending cycle. 

There’s a reason why I currently have nine pillows on my bed, sleep with them, and why I have the feeling that nine aren’t enough.

fuck this.

If I remember, I think I posted about the little lizard skeleton I found under the driver’s seat in my car. I actually touched it and gave a small scream as I realized what it was. That was awhile ago…

Well, today I get in my car and decide to sit for a few minutes as I rearrange the CDs into my new case. While I’m at it, let me pick up the few pieces of trash under my cup holder (few receipts and a napkin). 

I always keep a plastic bag for trash in my car. Since the last time I cleaned out my car and vacuumed it (when I found the skeleton), I’ve kept it pretty clean. And my garbage policy is no food in the trash bag (bag sits in my car for weeks until it’s filled with receipts and papers (I’m a college student, remember?) and used coffee shop napkins) unless the bag is being thrown out immediately. 

I pick up the bag behind my seat and put in the old receipts. My bag smells funky. It smells like something died in here, I thought. I look a little closer inside the bag and thought maybe I left a banana peel in there. 

But then I see it. 

Some goo-looking shit on the outside of the bag. I thought, laffy-taffy type candy? I didn’t have any of that recently. I look closer, there’s two tiny black beedy eyes on that gooey looking shit.

It’s a small frog!

Dead and stuck to the bag. I’m disgusted. I don’t think I touched it when I picked up the bag without looking. Hoping I didn’t, I put the bag on the floor in front of my passenger seat and found my small container of hand sanitizer.

There were about 5 uses left to the container- I used them all and squeezed every last bit of it onto my hands. I threw out the bag in the dumpster before leaving my complex. As soon as I reached my destination, I went straight to the restroom and washed my hands, almost washing off my skin. A skeleton is slightly more acceptable than an actual frog. Luckily, I’m not much of the squirming girl type. I can handle dissecting frogs and hey, I like it as much as the next person but sheesh, when I know I’m expecting it and using gloves! 

Why are there always creatures lurking in the corners of my car?

I’m not dirty and I don’t leave food in my car or food trash. First the little lizard, now this little frog. Does my car have holes or something where these things are crawling in? 

You know those times when you’ve misplaced something and you’re looking for it because you need it? But of course, because you’re looking for it, it doesn’t appear? 

Then as soon as you stop searching for it, you find it right under your nose?

Like the two times I lost the keycard to get into my apartment. We don’t have regular keys to the outside door, it’s like a hotel key. I’ve lost it twice because I cannot conveniently put the keycard on my keychain with the rest of my keys. My apartment complex thinks so highly of itself that it thinks their keys need to be special and different. -__- Well the first time I “lost” it, I couldn’t find it for 2 days. I looked on my desk, in my wallet (where it’s supposed to be), in bag, in my pants, and I couldn’t find it. I empty out my whole bag the next day- absolutely everything out, and there it is.

The second time I “lost” it, my friend helped turn over my whole room. Went through the closet, the drawers, my desk, my hamper (thrice), my bag (four times), my car, and under the bed. I gave up after 3 days and just bought a replacement. I do my laundry at the end of that week and voila! guess what’s at the bottom of the washer? My keycard. -__- (Shows how wonderfully I look for things, huh?)

I’ve lost something very near and dear and I -frankly, need it pretty desperately. I’ve been looking for freaking months. It consumes my thoughts every fucking day. (I’m not talking about my sanity either- you can’t find something you’ve lost if you’ve never had it!) Should I stop looking for it too and hopefully if I do, it somehow slips right under my nose? The question then becomes, what the hell do I do with my time then?

I would like to seriously dwindle the number of times I use curse words like “fuck” “shit” and all the lovely Spanish ones I use (coño, carajo, hijo ‘e puta, cabron, puñeta). 

I do believe the use of such words signals to the poor vocabulary skills of a person. I have horrible vocabulary. 

I wish I knew how to flow my words better- like a writer- so I would know a better way to say “You’re a fucking dumbass.”

But then, I realize I’m surrounded by fucking idiots and morons and I just cannot stop cursing the fuck out of these cabrones. I have to read more books. And more newspapers, and more scholarly-approved magazines. I need to have more conversations with people (Well, I gotta find some actual intelligent people for that last one- that species is severely endangered).

Any suggestions would be helpful.